Attachment Parenting

While attachment parenting has received a lot of attention in the news and in parenting groups, there are many who still might not be familiar with the term and aren’t really sure what attachment parenting is all about. The term that was once coined by pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha is used to describe a highly responsive and attentiveness style of caring for a child.

Using attachment parenting, parents seek to promote physical and emotional closeness through what Dr. Sears referred to as the “Baby B’s”. These B’s represents bonding, breast-feeding, bed sharing, boundary building and baby wearing.

People who advocate attachment parenting encourage their parents to hold babies as often in the early weeks of life as possible. This establishes good bonding patterns between the mother and child. Breast-feeding, while known to have many nutritional benefits that are better than bottlefeeding, is promoted to enhance the mother’s natural instinct to respond to her baby. Breast-feeding increases physical closeness, hormonal influences and promotes moms attentiveness to the child.

Added opportunities for closeness and increasing bonding are promoted through baby wearing and bed sharing. Baby wearing is the practice of using a sling or infant carrier on a consistent basis and having the child with the mother all day. Many mothers find that their infants take long soothing naps while worn in the sling. Other mothers and fathers find that breast-feeding at night is easier when the child is sleeping in the same room.

Boundary building is a discipline philosophy that encourages the parents to respond to the age-appropriate needs of the child and use gentle guidance. All of these factors are aimed at promoting a trusting relationship between the parent and the child that makes it easier for the parents to respond appropriately to the babies physical needs. Some people find these B’s to be a set of rules but they are more recommended tools that should be individualized for each family and child.

Attachment style parenting encourages the family, and more specifically the mother, to watch the baby and not a clock or calendar. At one point it was recommended that all mothers forced their infants to follow a schedule that they recommend. In other words the child eats every four hours, takes their nap at 10 and 2 p.m., and goes to sleep at eight no matter how ready they are for food or sleep.

Parents who practice attachment style parenting will look to their baby for signs of readiness to sleep, eat, sleep alone, or be picked up. But in order to understand the signs that the infant is giving parents need to know the infant intimately. To learn the signs parents keep the infant close and devote time and attention to the baby. Knowledge of when a baby is ready to sleep or eat will improve the infant growth and development because they receive nutrition when their body needs it.

Parents who practice attachment style parenting are also not likely to allow their child to “cry it out”. While some continue to believe that responding to a baby’s cries will spoil the baby research has shown that infants who have their needs met most quickly will cry less after they reach the age of six months. An infants cry is a very powerful tool for survival and it is meant to elicit a response in an adult.

Breast-feeding, also another of the B’s, provides optimal nutrition and promotes a healthy immune system in the infant. Because breast milk digests more quickly than formula it is nature’s way of ensuring that the baby will be held frequently for feedings and near mom almost continuously. Attachment parents believe that exclusive breast-feeding demonstrates the biological need of the infant to have almost continuous contact with his mother as a natural transition.

Attachment parents also use gentle discipline believing that age of appropriate expectations are the best way to teach a child what is right and what is wrong. For example, parents may decide to put breakables out of reach rather than trying to teach a toddler not to touch them. They understand it might be unrealistic to expect a baby to resist touching objects which are enticing. But, the same parents would have no trouble restricting school-age children from throwing a ball in the house because this is an age-appropriate limitation.

Most parents who practice attachment parenting do not use or believe in corporal punishment but rather use guidance, role modeling and rewards for good behavior. These parents work hard to keep the child’s developmental stage always at the forefront of their parenting techniques.

There are many misconceptions about parents who use attachment parenting as a means of parenting their children. Attachment parenting is really about knowing your baby and responding to what your instincts and knowledge of your family tell you is right. The B’s coined by Dr. Sears and his wife are only recommendations to help parents get to know their baby batter. There are many variations on implementing attachment parenting because it is only a vehicle and not a bunch of rules to be followed.

RESOURCES

Attachment Parenting International
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/

AskDrSears: AttachmentParenting
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting

Time: the Man Who Remade Motherhood
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2114427,00.html

Attachment Parenting International: APIs Eight Principles of Parenting
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/intro.php

Aha! Parenting: Attachment Parenting
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting

Attachment Parenting International: What is Attachment Parenting
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/WhatIsAP.php